I think mostly girls just do this, but when I was dating Josh, every song I heard, I would think of him. Somehow he always fit into that song. Now somehow it's always Braxton. I hear songs I have known for a while and I think of my sweet boy! The most recent one is "If heaven wasn't so far away." I think that's what it's called. Anyway, I hear that song, and I feel like I live that song every day! If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen to it. It's a good one.
We have had a lot of baby blessings in our ward lately and it kills me to see how much Josh struggles with them still. I love my husband so much and I see how much of a great father he is.
I admire my sister Nykele and her husband Steve so much! They have two perfect boys who I love so much! I love hearing stories about Parker talking about Braxton! I love knowing that Parker knows who Braxton is. He knows Braxton is with Jesus and he tells his mom about it all the time. Nykele told me the other day that Parker sent a balloon to Braxton the other day..... and that's a big deal!!! Parker LOVES balloons. I love knowing how much my family and other people love our sweet Braxton and miss him as much as we do. There are a few pictures that really tare at my heart. I love my family so much! I love how much they care about me and I am so grateful for all that they do for me. I really struggle seeing them cry, and the one person that seems to cry every time I see him, and even quite often when I talk to him, and that is my dad. I look at this picture a lot and it just breaks my heart. But I love my dad so much and I hope someday he will get to cry with happiness this time when he holds my next baby......
These two women also take a big role in my life! I'm so grateful my mom miraculously found a way to Rexburg to be here with us and it means so much to me that my sister would leave her family for five days, drive the long drive I'm sure with dread in her heart, to be here with me. I love these two ladies more than anything, and they have been great examples of being loving mothers and taught me a lot of what I need to know!
A couple months ago we went to Dakota's state championship tournament. We were able to see some family while we were there. My Aunt Heather and her baby Lainey was there. Lainey was born two weeks after Braxton. I got to hold her for quite a while. It was super hard and I'm sure Josh and I should have walked out of the gym for a while to gather ourselves because we couldn't stop the tears, but it was very nice to be able to hold sweet little Lainey. What broke my heart even more was watching Parker love that little girl so much! It made my heart melt because it was so cute, but I kept thinking about how much he would just love my little Braxton also, and I wish so badly to be able to see that and to have that happen.
Again I am so grateful for all our family and friends who have reached out their arms in love and comfort. It has helped so much and we love you all so much! We know we will see Braxton again someday and I am so grateful for the Atonement for that reason! I look forward to the day I get to raise my little boy and hold him in my arms again!
