1 Month Old

I cant believe its been a month! I wish i could see him growing. I keep wondering how big he would be now and how much he would have changed. I miss him more than words can say. Everything that has happened doesn't feel real. It feels like the past month was just a really bad nightmare!
I went back to work last week. It was nice to get out of the house, but it was hard to be back with all of the memories of being pregnant and having a soon to be baby in the home. Clients would just ask if I had any kids and my heart would just start hurting. I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me and i dont want to have to keep retelling people that my baby died. It's just something i dont want to do everyday. So, my bishop helped me with getting a job at the bank he works for and starting the 22nd i will officially be a teller at the Bank of Commerce! I am super excited for this new change in my life. I will miss doing hair cuz i love it so much, but i'll get back to it again. It will be nice to have something exciting in my life again.
Josh has been doing good. Work can be hard for him, but even when it is, he keeps going. He is such a strong, hard-working man and i fall more in love with him each and every day! Every once in a while he will break down and start crying because he misses Braxton, but i love to see how much love he has for his son and also for me. I never thought i could have so much love for two people in my life! Josh is my absolute best friend and i love that i get to be with him for eternity! Hopefully soon we will get the papers we are waiting for to be able to get to the temple so we can be sealed to each other! I am married to the best man in the world! I couldn't imagine having to go through everything we have without him by my side, holding my hand, and carrying me through this! I sure love him and we both miss Braxton so much! We cant wait to be able to hold him in our arms again! This poem was read at both services we had for him and it has been close to my heart since the day we had him. I read it that night and i knew he was saying this to us.

Dear mom and dad, 
Please don't be sad, I miss you so much too.
It's beautiful here where I am, but i worry a lot about you.
I sleep with Angles watching me.
There's only love up here.
I'm never lonely or afraid,
'cause God's so very near.
I walk with Jesus everyday, 
he's very kind and sweet.
Don't worry mom; he holds my hand when we cross a golden street.
I never cry or hurt myself, 
I see Grandparents everyday.
I play and laugh and sing a lot,
and i hear you when you pray.
Please don't be mad at God you see,
he loves me too.
And even though you're not with me, 
I'm really still with you
-Unknown